Aed jokes
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.
A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.