Aed jokes
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
I used to be a fan, but after seeing her OnlyFans account, I'm a whole air conditioner.
I know a Chinese joy rider, Tommy Tookamotor.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?
Fucks funny.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
Your mama so ugly she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
What do you call a fucked up mullet? A fullet.
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.
Why Satan didn't stop sending messages to God about hell?
'Cause they made a juice out of him.
Why is there a 76 button on a bottle of ketchup?
To bring sweet luck.
What do you get when you goblin with a shark?
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.