Aed jokes
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Girl, you and slow are slower than a fairness.
I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
What do a black and a tornado have in common?
They both wreck neighborhoods.
A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a dick; he has a microchip.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
What do you call a hippo that lays eggs? A eggoppotimos.