Aed jokes
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?
At home.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.