Aed jokes
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
What do you call a flying pig?
Fiction.
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.
This news: family neuters furry son.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.