Aed jokes
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
What bird is good at gaming? A game bird.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."