Aed jokes
During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.
Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.
If Emma Feel had a penny every time someone gave her head, she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and Trump her third-legged bitch.
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
A girl had black hair. Also, I threw rubbish at her to realize she wasn't a bin.
What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.
If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
What do you call finding half of a worm?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moan for me.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
This is not a joke, it's a warning!
You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"