Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?
Because they fear him.
Adult Jokes
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck dick.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged!
Get off of here, kids!
There was once a genie with a 10 foot weenie, and he showed it to the neighbors next door.
They thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake. Now it's only 6.4ft.
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
