Accident jokes
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
I killed a man in '94.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.