I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
Accident Jokes
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.
