Accident jokes

What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?

There is none, they both go up in flames.

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, she was electrocuted.

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the people aboard are stupid.