Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
