Accident jokes
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a bus.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
I killed a man in '94.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."