Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
