How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?
He Neverland.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
