Abuse jokes

What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?

A pedophile.

What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

A KinderGarden.

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

Why do orphans have no bruises?

Because they have no dad to beat them.

Ooohhh look, an orphan! Let's go beat him up.

Why can you hit orphans?

Because they can't tell their parents.

Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.

Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Bring them young.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.