Abuse jokes
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.