Absence jokes
My dad is like a unicorn.
He's never here. :c
My dad left me.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
A: The homepage.
"Brandon, tell the teacher that I'm with Ms. Polack."
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Pussy, no pussy.
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."
Where is my dad?
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.