Royal

What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

What's black and white, black and white, black and white?

Michael Jackson.

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Why did the old man fall down a well? He couldn't see that well.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I threw a boomerang years ago. Now I live in constant fear.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

What do you call a committee of emo kids?

A cutting board!

What do emos use as birth control?

Their personalities!

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

China. There. :)

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? An RC/XD

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.