What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
Royal
@royal
Battles come and go, I am eternal
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
Michael Jackson.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I threw a boomerang years ago. Now I live in constant fear.
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
What do you call a committee of emo kids?
A cutting board!
What do emos use as birth control?
Their personalities!
My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
China. There. :)
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? An RC/XD
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.