Royal

Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.

Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.

Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

Give a like if I have no friends.

I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.

The twin towers: No, it won't.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? An RC/XD

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.