Royal

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

如果一个孤儿来了一张自拍,那算不算全家福

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

You just shot an unarmed man.

Well, he should have armed himself then.

Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.

what did batman say to robin before they got in the car? "Robin get in the car"

Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.

Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.

Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

Give a like if I have no friends.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!