I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Worst Jokes Ever
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
I put the fun in dysfunctional.
Qualification Check:
Single
Taken
Friended ✔
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
I hope Death is a woman.
That way, it will never come for me.
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
When people ask my age, this is what I do.
“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”
Batman on gender equality: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/I36ypJEyYpo
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
