Worst Jokes Ever
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.