Worst Jokes Ever

Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.

Where do the Borg eat fast food?

Borger King.

3.14% of sailors are...

π-rates.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

"Lazy."

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.