Worst Jokes Ever

Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!

Student: Why does everyone hate me?

Another student: Because U got the A last night.

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

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What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.

Why do people laugh at mountains?

Because they're HILLarious!

"I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friend's house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away."

"I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."

Said no horror movie character ever.

And also GTA logic.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 ate 9.

SEX

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.

Were you born on a highway? Because that's where accidents mostly happen.

What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?

Soaked...

What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

De-calf-inated.

An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.

I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8

Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.