Worst Jokes Ever
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
Parent Signature_________________
What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.
What do you say when you sister's annoying you?
Go oasis (go away sis)!
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! π
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
What do tomatoes π do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great Οthon.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.