Worst Jokes Ever

You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

Why can't an orphan be a bully? Because they don't have parents.

This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."

"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."

"Oh no, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Oh, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."

Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.

I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.

Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

My friend is blind.

So he always says he cannot Nazi.

Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?

Because he's British.

Why can orphans only use Samsung?

Because they don't have a home button.

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

Have you seen the inside of Helen Keller's houses? She hasn't.

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

Hi, I'm a name.

Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”

Do fish have tits?

Fish tits.