Worst Jokes Ever
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry, it's just a joke."
Why didn't Neptune marry Saturn?
Because he knew he wasn't hot!
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"
What did the chancla say to the belt?
"It's time."
What did the orphan say to his mom?
Where are you?
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?