Worst Jokes Ever
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
Skibidi bop mmm dada BOOOOOM!
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?
None fave. Foch heads.
Where's your mom at?
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
What is an orphan's least favorite song? We Are Family.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?
A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.