Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
Worst Jokes Ever
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
Why did the sun go to college?
Because it already have a million degrees!
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
an (DYM 83)
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
The F in orphan stands for family.
Wait, there is no F. (F)
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he’d talked to his son and daughters, and asked if he could talk to his wife alone.
“Look, I know you and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”
She started crying. "No, Tommy's the father! I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to happen, but it's been so lonely here without you....I walked in on him jerking off and just couldn't help myself! And Annie's been missing her boyfriend at college, and it....it just sort of got out of hand."
"It's okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You've been isolated for months, up there."
She wiped her tears away. "I can't believe how understanding you're being about this. When we get home I'm making you the best steak and lobster you ever had! I know you aren't eating well, I was looking at the bills on Amazon Prime and saw you ordered a 45-pound pail of peanut butter!"
He looked down under the camera line, under his desk. He wasn't wearing pants, and the family dog was still licking his dick. "These things happen."
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.
I don't even know why to joke about America, it's a joke itself TO THE FUCKING EARTH!
