Worst Jokes Ever

You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.

My friend Harry.

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Ever heard of candies? Candies balls fit in your mouth.

I used to be a fan, but after seeing her OnlyFans account, I'm a whole air conditioner.

Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

P2: I don't know.

P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

Why can’t orphans have sex?

Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

Your forehead is so big, even Galactus says, "Wow, that's big!"

What do you call a one-legged Asian?

Tie Won Shoo.

Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.