Worst Jokes Ever
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut.
Which nut is worth the most? A cashew.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
The fish do nothing. That is definitely a bad joke.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples got picked.
Why do orphans only eat cereal with water?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.