One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
Worst Jokes Ever
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
The Milky Way!
Kid: Where do I put this paper?
Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.
Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*
Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?
Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.
Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*
Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.
Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!
Kid: Yes, you told me to!
Teacher: I meant at school!
Kid: Ohhhhhh!
Teacher: Duh!
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
My mum's a carrot.
Me: Do you know a funny joke?
Friend: Yes, you.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
I'm a human.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
What is the same thing between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
Don't trust atoms, people, they make up everything!
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
