Worst Jokes Ever
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?
They're both gay and use knives.
Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?
Because momma never raised no pussy.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
What do you call dead?
(Not Michael Jackson)
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Pass me the sugar, Sugar!
Pass me the honey, Honey!
Pass me the teabag!