Worst Jokes Ever
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.
I hate my life.
Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.
You were tricked, loser. ;]
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
What do autistics, women, and chinks have in common? They can't fuckin' drive.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.