When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Worst Jokes Ever
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.
Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏
Comedian: WTF bros!
Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.
Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?
Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... oh wait.
