When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Worst Jokes Ever
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy/mommy."
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
