Worst Jokes Ever
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
I troll under different usernames. I'm a bit all over the place mentally.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Big mummy milkers...
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
What do Shrek and onions have in common?
*LAYERS*
Why can't orphans do it?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"
POV: You liked this joke because you're straight.
The girl in the picture has no ass.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Feminists are a joke.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.