Worst Jokes Ever
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What’s a depressed kid's favorite game? Hangman.
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.
JK, dark humor.
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?
One's wanted.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?
The white guy did it!
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
Caca.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
I have cripple and depression.