My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Worst Jokes Ever
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Why don't dwarfs have cars?
Because they can't get in the door.
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."
Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
"Texas be like it's cold over here over here."
Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
The "f" in orphan stands for family.
Except there is no "f."
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
Texas be like everything is bigger here: guns and winter storms!
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
What do you call an elite bungee jumper? An emo kid.
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
