Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
Worst Jokes Ever
You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.
What's America's best class?
Gun 101.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
What is humble, holy, and helps?
An angle...
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they like to feel wanted!
Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
Go to an orphanage and tell the kids their parents came back as an April Fools' joke.
What do you call an orphan village?
An orphanage.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
