Worst Jokes Ever

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I heard a noise, so I'm dead.

Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

What do you call a cute door?

Adorable.

What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?

What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

Brinnia so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said, "I need a bigger one."

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

My dog died today. 😥

Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

Why do midgets run on balls?

Because the grass tickles them.

Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.

Germany does a backflip. America: What is happening?

France: Want a baguette?

USSR: Help!

Russia: "Silence."

Ukraine: Help...

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.