"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the orphan single? Because it could not call someone "daddy".
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
You are so ugly my man died.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni and got plane.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
What's the difference between being gay and straight? Well, it is the hole.
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie one shoe.
Why is the rum gone?
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled egg.
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
