Worst Jokes Ever
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?
"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
Why do I support slavery?
Because I’m white.