Q : What’s the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A : I can jump on my bed. A : And I use a pillow on both of them.

Your moms so fat, when she sat on walmart, she lowered the prices!

Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

Do not tell an orphan family meeting the wouldn’t get it

why isn’t there much honey in Brazil? Because there’s only on B in Brazil.

I have more chin than the Chinese phone book

Depressed people are lame. Because they are just lame no reason

iron man: where r u from? thor: asgard. iron man: do you mean ASS-GUARD?

Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has giving him a brojob? because of the cream filling inside just like the individually wrapped cakes of hostess twinkies

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I’m a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won’t suck a big dick that has ketchup on it

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I’m so homophobic I won’t suck a big dick that has ketchup on it

One day a child walks along and asks” mother why am I called butterfly” the mother replies” a butterfly landed on you as a baby” A minute later another child comes along and says” mother why and I called feather” the mother then replied “because a feather fell on your head when you where born” then Brick comes along and says “ ahahhsdjsjskxs”

Mary has a house near a forrest she lives with her bro and she once said how many trees are there and her bro said: idk. She said: tree

What do turtles 🐢 use to communicate?

A shellphone!

Why is it that when I’m in school doing PE it’s fine for someone to say boys against girls but the moment I say blacks against whites I’m the bad guy

I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters. He was a great πthon.

What do you call an owl 🦉 with armor?

A Knight Owl!

GOOGOO? RTY

There were two two twin brothers Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girl friend while Lucas stayed single. A few weeks later Lucas was caught kissing Marcus’s girlfriend and Marcus comes over and says: “Babe I know we’re twins but I’m Marcus and that’s Lucas you were kissing.” and his girlfriend looks at him and says: “I know.”