For an Orphan, any bag of chips is family size.

🧀:C’mon tomato!

🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.

🧀:You’re a mile away.

🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg but you can’t beat a wank

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I’ll ever have.

There is nothing funnier than my life (Evan 2020)

roses are red violets are blue my bed has room for 2 ;)

How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2 but now it’s a sensitive topic.

Why did the orange fall off the tree? Cause he went out on a limb

What do you call a sheep obsessed with cars? A lambo.

Why did you scream? Oh… Hellen Keller she tried to cook… 😨

How does Helen Keller say dad? I don’t know but you should ask her… wait never mind she can’t talk.

Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom? Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: OOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing.

Students: Your Parents

What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked? That’s what you get for not keeping your mouth shut.

What’s a ton of white people running down a hill called? A avalanche. What’s a ton of black people running down a hill called. A mudslide. What’s a ton of Mexican people running down a hill called? Jailbreak

What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000" But that’s not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

pop pop meow