Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Where does bad light end up at? In Prism.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus "Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender. The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
What do SpongeBob and Asian have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza. Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
Ur so bald that ur Harline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas
Ur hairline is so long people call it “The Natural Disaster”
What record did Obama proved during his presidency No matter how far a brotha gets in life he’ll still be in government housing
why are people from New York so bad at chess? < Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks)
Why are people in Japan so thin? Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
