Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
