Worst Jokes Ever

Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.

If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?

How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?

They only have a back door.

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?

Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.