Yours jokes

Your mom and your dad.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.

You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.

Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?

1. Listening to your teacher.

2. Not having your phone/game/TV.

3. Not having nicotine.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?

Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.