Yours jokes

Child

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

Momma

Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.

Skinny

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

Memes

Mom

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Queue

Roses are red.

Your passports are blue.

Now go stand over there,

In that very long queue!

Gwen

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

Bar

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Pussy

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Man

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

Mom

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

Orphanage

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Mom

Your mom is so fat she was the reason why the Titanic crashed.