Yours jokes
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.
The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
Your hairline goes so far back that Crown Burger was Crown Sandwiches.
Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.
Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?
Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?
Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅
Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
You're the wrist-slitting simulator champion!
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
Even Captain Cook couldn't discover your eyebrows.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.