Yours jokes
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.