Yours jokes
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
Your mom's asshole.
Your mom is fat.
Oooo, roasted!
What's the difference between a gay guy and an oven?
An oven doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
A man (Ameenya Sheed) texts another man (Bob) and said,
"Hi, I'm Ameenya Sheed."
Bob: "You're not in my shed because I don't have one, but I have a garage. I don't think you're in there."
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
Your Dad.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!