Yours jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.

What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

Do you like fish sticks?

If you do, you're a gay fish.

I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.

You're overreacting.

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"