Yours jokes
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
Your mom's a lead, Poe.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Your head looks like a joke.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
A letter to all Math:
Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems!
2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Mr. Nobody: Water you thinkin's happenin', Ol' Mr. Atlantic?
Mr. Atlantic: Something Smells Fishy...
Mr. Nobody: Well, duh, you idiot! You're an Ocean!
Mr. Atlantic: WTH!?!?????
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."