Yours jokes
Your mum's foreheads.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.
"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"
You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"
If you're bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!
Your momma's so fat, she farted in bed and blew the covers off.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.
Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in 'em!
D: Johnny, Johnny.
J: Yes, Papa?
D: Eating sugar?
J: No, Papa!
D: Telling lies?
J: No, Papa!
D: Open your mouth, now full of cock. :)
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.