You're jokes

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.

I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

Hey paps, BONE-appetit!

(Just eat your spaguetti.)

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.