You're jokes
You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.
Your hairline is so big, it's bigger than the universe!
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Your life can't be a joke; a joke has meaning.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Your mama is so fat, she broke the stairs to Heaven.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
Your hairline is like the universe. It's still waiting to be discovered.
You're so cool that celebrities take pictures of you.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.