You're jokes

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You're an alcoholic!

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*