You're jokes

When you're lonely, watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore!

Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?

If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?

Your mom.

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.

Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.

Your hairline goes back to when Jeff Bezos had hair.